The Polish Change

Change yet again has hit home.  Change in a good way but I am leaving behind a work family.  I have accepted a promotion at work, while it includes a significant increase in pay along with an extra week of vacation every year, my own laptop, the ability to work from home.  I am still leaving behind a group of people I have worked with for a couple years now and I am not talking just coworkers, I am leaving behind my book of business who I have been their sole contact at work and have gained great relationships with.  Change must happen and its a good change as it means more income and an iota of less stress about bills.  Who knows which job I will like better but this new position has abilities that I did not have in the previous position. 

After work today a time of laundry and packing so I can get up at 4 am and go to the airport...7 hours of travel for 1.5 days of visiting and then on Sunday 12 hours of travel back home...but to see a lady I have not seen in 6 years who is getting on in her years..worth every minute.  Better make sure I check my baggage for anything over 3.5 ounces :( 

Had some good viddles for dinner last night, quite a nice surprise to go to the Olive Garden, was very tasty...leftovers for lunch!

Well thats all I have as nature is calling and I better answer it or risk letting nature speak all over my clothes.

Book smarts vs Street smarts...the face off.

Growing up I was always pushed to excel as I was a very bright child.  The problem is the one area I never really had much time for is street smarts.  I had friends that had great street smarts but I always had my nose in a book or doing home work or something such as this.  I graduated from highschool thinking I had it all planned out and WHAM was hit by reality.  I had no one keeping on me to keep my nose to the grind and ended up dropping out of college due to drinking (I am speaking of a fifth of Jack a night or more) and skipping class and needing to find a job to support a pregnant fiancee. 

Some of us always dreamed of having a family, even as young teenagers, the feeling of having a child running up to you and wrapping their arms around you.  Snuggling up in your lap to watch cartoons.  Watching them play with play-doh at the table.  Running around outside with them.  No one ever dreams of having to do that as a single parent.  I am not sure where things will end up relationship wise in my life but I just dont know how much I like the idea of being single.  Not only the companionship but lets face it, I am a hornball.  I was speaking to a friend last night regarding this, talking about how so many people are vanilla in relation to how wild and crazy their sex life is, I cannot be a vanilla as I am just too out there in my sexual fantasies and experimental thoughts.  She made a great point, a chocolate bean can never be a vanilla bean which I responded to by saying that sadly chocolate and vanilla make a horrible milk shake.  Eventually I will have to find another chocolate in regards to sex life because I have learned that if one has a high and wild sex drive and one is very vanilla and doesn't want it often, doesn't matter how hard you try it seems impossible to be.

I am reaching out to all of the chocolates out there, how do you make it by, how do I spot another chocolate without finding a hooker (blech). 

Taking a trip soon, going to see an old friend who may pass away soon so it will be an interesting 3 day trip to AZ.  Still kinda sore from hauling brush the other day but C'est la vie.  I will stretch it out eventually.

Coming to you from a desk in a snooze fest, leading the way with my bratwurst, Cap'n Midget out!

The move

Though I dont mind buying stuff which is a form of change, I hate most change.  Change of divorce, change of kids growing up and becoming more independent, change of moving desks at work even bothers me.  Its a bit whiney but dammit why do they need to move us, lets just cause unnecessary chaos.  And if I have to have one more needle shoved up my damn nuts I am gonna scream.  Though I hope this biopsy finally has a resolution as two inconclusive results is a bit unnerving.  My fingers are crossed again for this next test.  Has not been taken yet but we shall see what happens.

Sleep has been interesting lately, to many dreams that are overly active and they cause me to bolt upright in a cold sweat, dreams of many different natures but all causing me to lose sleep. I miss my kids every time I have to be away from them and this is part of my dreams, I know they look forward to me spending time with them.  When will it all settle down.

I watch people that are incredibly happy around me, happy to be married, happy to be engaged, happy to be dating, or even happy to be single.  I remember happy, I am not depressed by any means but I miss companionship, knowing there is someone to talk to when you get home, someone to watch a movie with.  My kids are great for that but conversations with kids between 3-4 years old.....can't really discuss politics or books or work.  Though I do love hearing about their day and having them sit in my lap and snuggle up with me watching tv, best part of my day. 

Another day, another dollar.  A quiet evening, I am thinking cold beer, chips and dip.  My Cinco De Mayo

In the distance

He stands on the corner, watching her walk away.  This is the her that matters but he knows that if he ever hopes to have that chance again, he has to let her walk away.  Though he wants to run after her and carry her over the threshold but he knows that would smother her and cause her to run faster.  So he will stand on this corner, as she went to walk away, he told her to remember that he does love her and that he will always be here for her.  Though he tries hard, he cannot stop himself from thinking back to their first kiss, that first time she closed her eyes leaning in to him.  Waking up next to her, feeling her soft skin against his.  Time is weird, and though it took forever to have her for this short period, he is willing to wait another fifty years...that is, if she truely wants him back ever again.....this he does not know but he will not smother, he will just be there in case she needs a friend to talk to. 

I didnt have much time to do much thinking this weekend, but sometimes the thoughts hit you when your not trying to think.  What am I doing....where do I go next in life, the doctor got back to me stating that the test was inconclusive and has to be run again, so I get to go have another needle stuck into a most sensative area.  More pain but I would want to know.  Do I plan for a long future?  I know I have to spend as much time with my kids as possible in case that future is cut short.  I had a great time with them this weekend, snuggling up watching a movie with them, taking them to the circus.  I hate having no one to talk to about this, this wall of nothing is my outlet.

Fishing is coming up, I cannot wait to get out on the water.....thats all I have about that.

I hope anyone who reads this is having a good day.  If you have kids, don't waste a moment of time with them, I can't imagine ever losing mine or leaving them behind with them so young.  If you are happily married, do something special for that person, if your marriage is struggling, go above and beyond.  Dont sit and do nothing, there isn't that much time in the scheme of things, use it.